Self-Esteem and Dating
In the past few days I’ve been asked A LOT about self-esteem. I think the best way to figure out whether or not you have low self-esteem (or conversely, high self-esteem) is best stated this way:
- Practice a larger-than-normal amount of negative self talk, such as, “Why would anyone ever want to date me?” or, “I don’t deserve a loving partner”;
- Act destructively towards oneself and/or others, such as self-sabotaging behaviors or being overly critical;
- Apologize frequently and/or exhibit self-doubting behaviors;
- Need constant feedback from outside sources;
- Unable to receive or accept compliments;
- Focus on one’s perceived flaws; and
- Become so much of a perfectionist that basic tasks don’t get finished for fear of failure.
(Taken from Low Self Esteem and How It Affects Dating Relationships at About.com.)
In the simplest terms, having low self-esteem means that you genuinely feel unconfident that you can perform a task or that you are unconfident about your own character.
High self-esteem, on the other hand, means that you are confident of your own abilities and strengths. You can be aware of your flaws, and as such can compensate for them without overcompensating on other tasks.
The reason I bring up the topic of self-esteem is that when someone is looking for a potential partner to date, they generally look for someone who is confident. Confident people are usually interesting because they know where they have been (as should we all), where they are standing (this gets a little foggier, but you should be able to see a few feet around you), and they know in what (general) direction they want to travel in.
So if you have a problem with self-esteem, take a deep breath. What’s the matter? You’re not going to do that because it would make you look stupid? Afraid you might look stupid in front of yourself? Get over it! Looking stupid is a part of life. Live with it.
Now once you’re done with that, change your hair, change your clothing, change something in some manner that you’ve wanted to do. Heck, get a tattoo even. Work out. Do something that might garner some notice from someone else, but don’t rely on that. Did you want to be an airplane pilot as a child? Go take flying lessons next weekend!
The key to raising your self-esteem is to do something different as much as you can. This includes (gasp) meeting new people as well!
